HAPPY PARENTS – A MUST FOR A SCHOOL

In a recent teachers’ conference I attended, a teacher declared as if all her problems revolve around parents and parents alone. I do not understand where that comes from. Surprisingly, it seemed to be a popular opinion. It reminded me of a famous Mulla Nasrudin story. 

A man is walking home late one night when he sees an anxious Mulla Nasrudin down on all fours, crawling on his hands and knees on the road, searching frantically under a streetlight for something on the ground.

“Mulla, what have you lost?” the passer-by asks.

“I am searching for my key,” Nasrudin says worriedly.

“I’ll help you look,” the man says and joins Mulla Nasrudin in the search. Soon both men are down on their knees under the streetlight, looking for the lost key. After some time, the man asks Nasrudin, “Tell me Mulla, do you remember where exactly did you drop the key?”

Nasrudin waves his arm back toward the darkness and says, “Over there, in my house. I lost the key inside my house…” Shocked and exasperated, the passer-by jumps up and shouts at Mulla Nasrudin, “Then why are you searching for the key out here in the street?”

“Because there is more light here than inside my house,” Mulla Nasrudin answers non-chalantly.

Coming back, no doubt the key is lost. But, they, surely, are not searching in the right place. They are frantically searching for it by attaching themselves to different cults and immersing themselves in different theories just because they are popular and are in the light. Whereas the right place to look for it is the place where they have actually lost it, even if there is less light there and it is the only place where they can possibly find it and that is deep within themselves. Let me take you to the place.

‘Parents are not supportive of us.’

‘Parents are uneducated. Thus, they do not understand what we say.’

‘Parents do not understand our problems.’

‘Parents do not turn out on parent teacher meetings because they are careless.’

‘Parents do not care about child’s learning.’

‘Parents lack awareness and we need to first create awareness amongst parents.’

How many times have we seen teachers say these either with their principals or with fellow teachers? It is always a comfortable thing to point out that problems lie elsewhere without having a check into ourselves. Though I have seen many teachers carry these opinions for quite long time and yet they continue to struggle with no solution ever found. It, indeed, makes teachers’ life long and arduous. When teachers have such negative opinions on parents, they get it back with double the intensity from the other end. As a result, there is mutual trust deficit and we see the adverse effects of this blame game manifest amongst students in the form of misbehaviour and manipulation. Needless to say, learning suffers…

Let us first set the context clear first. Among the parents and teachers, the former has the higher stake as parents invest their life, time, money and energy keeping their aspirations at stake while teachers’ success depends on the success of their students and happiness quotient of parents. While a student is one amongst many for teachers; for parents, the child is their world. Therefore, parents’ concerns must be weighed more than that of teachers. Having said that, if parents are still not proactive, let us understand it is certainly not because they choose to be so but because of other dynamics. Let us figure them out.

The right thing to do is to reflect and ask ourselves the right questions. Why do parents develop such an attitude? If not by choice, then what could be the reasons? Are they alone to be blamed? Let us look at ourselves. For some reason/s that the schools alone know, they always limit parents’ voice and try to keep parents away from the school, calling it ‘healthy distance’. It depends on how schools look at the role of parents in child’s learning. The challenge we mentioned is the reflection of the school policy. This is a question more of a relationship between school and home than anything else. Distance breeds doubt and fear. No relationship has ever flourished with increased doubt, distance and fear; in fact, relationships suffer a great deal. There lies the challenge.

Therefore, it is the school who has to take the lead in building trust and in bridging home school connect and make it part of school culture. Let us have an honest look at our approach towards parents in the limited spaces we have created and impression it leaves on the minds of parents. As we move forward to reflect on our practices and to find possible solutions to the challenge of building relationship with parents, I urge the teachers and the schools to critically look at themselves on the following.

I have deliberately highlighted the don’t as major points because things should touch the chord and allow those facing the challenge to reflect straight away. Do’s are pointed out while elaborating.

1.      Less or no attention to feel good factors: First few seconds when parents arrive into your place is the key. A warm greeting or a Namaste and asking them to be seated would set the discussion on the right path. May the parents be the first to start the conversation. Never get into the conversations in corridors, staffroom or in public and crowded places but in a confidential space one on one. Even when parents do so, ask them politely to come to the school or classroom. Never talk about children over phone even with the parents or anybody. Keep your discussions confidential. Make sure you are at peace with yourself. Carry yourself well with a pleasant face. Ambience you create for the communication sets the tone for the rest of the communication. Well begun is half done.

2.      Speaking more and seldom listen: It is often a tendency amongst teachers to speak more during PTMs almost in such a tone as to silence parents. Like teacher, parents would have many things to share about the kid, only if teachers are patient enough to lend them their ears. Nobody would prefer a place where they are not heard. Speaking long doesn’t help the cause but multiplies challenges. Parents would form an opinion that there is no use meeting the teacher. Therefore, primary thing is to listen keenly to parents with genuine interest in the kid and its progress. That would go a long way in assuring parents that we care for them and the kid. So, hold yourself back and kindly listen to them. You may get better insights…

3.      Listening to respond not to understand: Remember, teachers do not have to give a ready solution instantly. So, while parents speak to you, it is important to understand their point of view for they know the child better for long time. Particularly when parents lose their cool, it is important you do not react or respond. It also works as an effective strategy. Sometimes they want you to just listen. Do that. Empathy is what I mean. Then you are good to go.

4.      More complaints than complements: We, teachers, often think academic performance of the child is all we have to speak about when we encounter parents. It must be a holistic. So, kindly keep yourself well informed about the kid of her good traits may be her achievements in sports, leadership, attendance, behavior with his teachers and friends, obedience, helping nature or any anecdote that would add to her positive image and give a wholehearted appreciation for the kid and parents and then followed by areas of improvement. Even when you speak of her areas of concern, be sure you speak of possibilities not complaints. Never label the kid. Many times, we would be desperate to get the child to learn out of which we give advice after advice to the student and parents. Probably, you are not timing it well. That does not go well with them. Remember, you do not have to advice the kid right in front of parents because; that is not new for the child and she knows silence is the best strategy. You may buy time for this.

5.      Shedding responsibility than owning it up: It is often a case that teachers feel or assume they have done their best and give up on the kid. It surely annoys parents when teachers put all onus on the child and parents. Always make it a point to speak of collective responsibility of the child, parents and yourself. Never sound helpless during your conversation. At times, your gestures and expressions say it all. Be very conscious. Optimism is the key. Never impose it only on the child and parents.

6.      Keeping it formal all the time: Remember, it is not always necessary to keep things formal. A casual pat on the back or a caress on the head for the kid and a light conversation about their family or business would make the entire conversation light and productive. Reaching out to parents during their tough times and an informal call during holidays just to enquire how about of the family and the kid connects you well with the family. But, never ask the child ‘are you studying?’ during such talks.

7.      Speaking of child not of challenge: While you converse with parents, as long you speak of child, you are nowhere near to the solution. Address the issue not the child. This allows you to explore possibilities, which even the child is unaware most of the times. Remember, the child cannot be your challenge but her concerns are. Listening to the child is the key. She may not open up instantly, because she may not know what her problem is. But, unless she reflects herself it is difficult to address. In that case, we are only adding to her struggles only talking about her. Even when you are critical, be critical of her actions not of the child herself. Teachers must be part of the solution not of the problem.

8.      Limited spaces to raise concerns: Every school has certain minimum number of PTMs in which they speak mostly about children’s academic progress. There are significant number of parents who does not open up on a general meetings. Some parents are even afraid to approach leave alone principals but even teachers. Therefore, it is very important to provide them with more platforms. Weekly slot for parents, suggestion box and a survey on parents’ happiness index could be other platforms. Then, a large number of parents could have their say. Their suggestions and concerns must be suitably addressed and reporting mechanism should be developed. Actions taken on the general suggestions and concerns could be reported during the next meeting.

All these have come out of my own experience and have resulted in significant success. As and when you observe other challenges, you may devise your own methods to establish the home school connect. However, the bottom line is ‘keep the genuine interest of child in mind’. That will simplify any challenge that may arise in future and as long you do that, you are right on the money. Next time when you lose the key, you know where to search.